Finding My Sense of Self

Anytime I enter a new community, I notice that I automatically change the way I talk and act with the people around me. Like most people, when trying to become a member of a discourse community, my sense of self changes. I notice that when I am with my family or in a more conservative and professional setting,  I talk and dress accordingly, usually wearing jeans that are not distressed, shirts that have a more modest neckline, and I talk with censored vocabulary and put on a façade of pleasantness even if that isn’t exactly how I am feeling at that point in time. When I am with my friends, I am able to speak freely and dress however I would like to dress, whether it’s jeans, leggings, sweats, shirts, pullovers, etc. I am more likely to speak freely about my frustrations and excitement with stronger vocabulary, throwing in an occasional statement that includes profanity.

I have held many different discourses throughout college. I have held the discourse of student interacting with other students, student interacting with professor, employee with boss, employee with other coworkers, employee with customers, member of a sorority with other members of the sorority, and so on. Each time I enter a new community, something changes about my sense of self, whether I notice it or not. Some of these interactions have a positive impact, while some have a negative impact on my sense of self. Some of the more positive aspects include being more confident in speaking with others and being able to explore what interests I would like to pursue.

One of the biggest negative aspects is that I now have a different “persona” when I interact with different communities. Through these interactions, I have created multiple senses of myself, instead of just having the one identity that is me. I notice that I act differently when I’m around my parents and grandparents, with my cousins and younger sister, my friends, classmates, professors. It has become somewhat exhausting trying to balance all of these different discourses. However, it has become the “norm” to interchange the different discourses, something that I don’t even consciously notice anymore.

As I move on post college and enter the “real adult world” and start a new career, I know that my discourse will change again, and until I can establish an identity that I am comfortable with in the workplace, I will be mushfaking my way through the first year or so. With entering a professional workspace, most likely in an office, I will have to adapt a new discourse that will be appropriate for the environment. I will have to learn how to act with my coworkers and superiors in a business setting, as well as finding the correct way to communicate with clients, both in person and through written communication. As I hope to eventually work in the public relations/events sector of the business world, I will also have to develop a discourse when interacting with media platforms, as well as the people from other companies that work the same events.